Auroraphobia’s Senseless Ranting

Ok, maybe that isn’t the title, but you get the point.

“Fuck.” I said. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I half rolled, half fell out of bed, somehow managing to pull on a pair of sweatpants and a loose t-shirt before stumbling to the kitchen and throwing the coffee pot at the coffee maker. I heard a crack.

“Godammit.” I drowsily walked over to it, and shoved it in, hoping it wouldn’t leak now. I took my morning shot of vodka, hoping it would take up the space in my head that the throbbing hangover was fighting to occupy. I pulled myself up onto the counter, waiting for the coffee to be done.

“Oh, fuck you.” I muttered to the coffee maker as I noticed I hadn’t turned it on. A girl walked in, wearing only underwear. Particularly lacy and not-so-opaque underwear, too.

“Fuck who?” She asked.

“Want some coffee?” I countered. I couldn’t remember this girl. She’d probably slept over the night before. Hopefully she’d leave soon.

She walked over and kissed me, but I pulled away. “Go away,” I said.

“Why?”

“Who the fuck are you anyway?”

“Oh…” She said. I went back into the bedroom and grabbed what I thought were her clothes. When I returned to the kitchen I shoved them into her arms, and opened the front door for her.

“Goodbye, nice to meet you, hope the sex was good, not that I can remember it,” I said.

Before she could answer, I pushed her gently out the door and slammed it behind her. She was still mostly naked.

And then I remembered her. Not her, that stupid slut that I’d probably just gotten AIDS from, but her. A little voice in my head told me I shouldn’t be thinking about her, it wasn’t worth it, she wasn’t coming back. And then it was the delusional voice in my head talking, but maybe she is. And then I was on the floor, leaning against the door, writhing in the sweet, sweet, excruciating memories.

I could see her eyes, those sweet blue eyes that spoke of laughter. Her smile, wide and inviting, her hair running down her back in gentle waves. I remember that she had loved me… Remembered her ringing laugh as she told me so. And then I remembered her tears. How she’d cried, tears dripping down her cheeks, as she’d left me. Walked out. I remembered why, too… It was so painful.

She’d taken me to a party. Said we would have fun, said she’d teach me to dance. But, I’d gotten drunk. She hated me drunk. Hated what I did when I was. She left the party, leaving me to fend for myself. And then there was another girl… I’d thought she was so beautiful, in my drunken, delusional state. Maybe, just maybe, she actually was. But she wasn’t worth it. She’d seduced me with that lovely voice… that beautiful pale skin… that long, silky black hair…

A knock at the door. “Fuck off,” I mumbled as I got up. I pulled the door open harshly, the knob falling off in my hand. “Dammit.” I looked up from the broken pieces in my hand to see the girl from last night… At least I think it was last night.

“Umm…” She glanced at the ground, shy apparently. “Th-these aren’t my clothes.” She handed them back to me. Relics from past adventures that again I couldn’t remember, I’m sure.

“Eh, one second.” I said. I went back into the bedroom, picking up yet another pile of clothes that weren’t mine. When I came back, she was in my living room, perched on the table. “These yours?” I grunted.

She nodded, and I took my first good look at her as I gave her the soiled clothing. She had wide hips, a slim waist. She had pale skin, long, black hair…

“Thank you,” she said, shyly. Her voice… lovely, birdlike. And then I was on the floor again. Writhing in the sweet, sweet, excruciating memories.